Girl Talk

You know how you always want your husband to help out and do some of the chores around the house but he never does? Have you asked him? I mean really asked him? Have you said "honey, I need you to help me and take out the trash?" Not in so many words, huh? That's probably why it's not getting done (and so you feel like a slave to him because you are doing all the work and he gets to be king of the castle). You have to say things in their language... and they speak plain ol' English (or whatever language this has been translated to for you to read). I didn't understand it. How could my two year old girl understand perfectly what I was saying when I said "Uh, oh. What's that doing on the floor" made perfect sense to my little girl. She would proceed to go and pick up the item on the floor and put it in it's spot. Easy enough, right? I mean, she's two and she totally understood me. But when I said the same thing to Chris, he didn't bat an eyelash. What was wrong?! I would get so angry at my husband for not reading my mind. I'd go around huffing every time I passed the garbage, thinking he'd pick up on that. To my defense, I had spoken to him about it. I believe my exact words were "looks like the trash needs to be taken out." To which he replied "oh, yeah." Which translates to "Yes, don't worry, dear. I'll get right on that," right? In my feminine mind makes perfect sense and we had all but signed a contract stating he'd take it out. But he didn't... For weeks. It'd get so bad, I'd lug out the whole kitchen trash can to throw it away. But every time he'd pile something on top of the full garbage I'd scoff (that's like huffing, but you open your mouth), thinking he should get the hint. Well, he never did. You see, Chris has learned a number of languages in his life: Italian, Spanish, German, and even a bit of Arabic and Mandarin. But he never learned to speak "girl." I, at one point, thought to take it upon myself to teach him, but we all see how well that went for me. I didn't get it, he understood when his mother told him to do something. She often had to repeat things to him after I had attempted with much better success. Then I started listening to her instead of smirking. She was actually acting as a translator between us! A-ha! She spoke male! I quickly decided to try and learn. Maybe it was all in the inflection, but that just made him mad. He said I always sounded like I was pissed when I talked to him. So that wasn't working. I was at a loss on what to do. Then I remembered: You can't change other people, only yourself, so leave the rest to God. Ugh, really? I can't change him? Fine. So, because I wanted to keep my relationship with my husband at least civil, I learned to speak his language. It was a lot simpler than I thought. I just had to speak my mind, rather than expecting him to read it. And I didn't just have to speak it, I had to explain it. Be simple with the instructions, don't try and give them more than one or two steps at a time. And try and be courtious, say "please" and "thank you." Remember, that sugar goes a long way. "Please, take out the trash. Thank you." Don't ask him "could you?" because that opens it up to options. Don't ask, but don't demand. Make sure your tone is still friendly, but firm. Just remember to not try and change him. If you want things better, work to better yourself and ask God to give you strength and understanding.