Self: why I left you

I was fortunate enough to marry a man that only wanted me to love him. Easy enough., right? You'd think so, but I have my battles where it seems like its the hardest thing to do. Don't get me wrong, I love him. I love my husband very much, I just don't know how to show him. I guess that's part of the reason I wanted to start this journey into proverbs 31 again. I had done it when I was a young, single, can-do, superwoman type. Now I'm a wife and mother of two (and double dog owner... there's your 2.5 kids right there) and am at a loss. When I was younger I was begging for more responsibilities, now that I have them I don't know what to do with them. It's overwhelming. But what do I do when I'm at a loss and stuck shaking in my boots? I turn to Him. I pray and I pray hard. I didn't used to. The feeling of being overwhelmed overtook me so much it was paralizing. I couldn't do anything. And as the world kept going on around me the feelings would just get worse. The laundry would pile up, dishes becoming a mountain of mold,and trash growing around me exponentially. I longed for peace. I longed for the days when, if this happened, it would only directly impact my life. I found that the only thing making me get out of this walking coma-lime state was my love for my husband and kids. The thought that I was doing this harm to them brought me to tears. And it's what keeps me from going back to that. Oh don't get me wrong, my house is still a wreck. Its just not nearly as bad as it was. And the even bigger difference is I now know that I'm doing no good for my family and am working on fixing it. I may be down but I'm not done with this fight. I know I have to perservere for it to get where its going and once it gets there I have to keep with it. I need to show my husband that I love and respect him by not destroying what he has provided. You see, its not about "serving" your husband, its about showing him you respect him and what he does to provide for you and your family. Love isn't about being selfish. Love is about selflessness. Jesus showed us that. He showed his love through giving with a happy heart through selfless sacrifice. So can we walk away from the computer for a minute and take a moment to tidy up? Ill check back with you on that one...