Begging

What are you begging for in life?  I mean, truely honestly begging for when you do something.  Whenever you're tired, upset, angry, or sad; whenever you turn to God and just start begging for His help: What are you begging for?
What I usually beg for is control.  I beg that I will have control over my emotions, my kids, my house, and more.  But usually, when I get so tired of just praying, what I beg for is for me to be in control.
But what is at the heart of it?  I should be begging for Jesus.  I was thinking about this the other day while watching Beth Moore, and thought:  what happens when I look further into the question? 
Beth Moore asked the question, "what are you begging for in life?"  But then she also asked "What is it your soul is begging for from Christ?"
You see, even though I might be begging for me to be in control, after looking hard inside myself for the answer to the second question I realized something.  I realized what my soul is begging for from Christ is that He takes control of the situation.  Cause that's what I really need.  I have to realize God is the one in control, not me, and I can always rely on Him. 
This little epiphany caught me by surprise.  When asked the first question, the word "control" jumped in my mind as if there was no questioning that answer.  Naturally, I had a self-absorbed moment where I thought "Yeah, I do beg for control in life."  It's true, I do.
But when asked the second question, "control" popped up again.  And that's when I really thought about it.  What my soul is begging and yearning for is Christ, and His control over a situation.
What about you? 

Elf on the shelf DIY ?

Last year I told myself that we would do the elf on the shelf thing the following year. Well that time is fast approaching and I've already seen the combo packs with the elf and video/book. But the thing I said last year was that I was going to make the elf so it was more personal. Well, the other day I started on its head. I noticed then that it was kind of big. The more I think about it the more I agree. So I think I'm going to start over with a smaller head. Also the body doesn't seem like it'll be all that pose able so I think I will look to find a body that might instead of making one. I looked on the infamous pinterest to see other peoples DIY elfs. One just redressed a tinkerbell friend doll. The other made theirs to look like the original elf on the shelf. The second one used a poseable muslin body from hobby lobby. I don't know why I didn't even bother looking in the doll section for this! I'll have to go back and check that aisle out. Actually, looking back, I know why we didn't think of that (mom is making one, too): we were going off a list of instructions to make these steampunk looking dolls. Which are pretty cool looking but I'm thinking they are not going to be that welcoming for the cheery holidays. I'll finish my current elf, but I'm thinking it'll just be decorative. I'll have to get out and go to hobby lobby these next couple of days to get the new right stuff. Now I'm just debating the materials to make the head out of: paper mâché covered with gesso, or polymer clay and sculpt it that way.

The Average Sunday

Yup, this is pretty basic for how Sundays feel.  I got this video from:
http://www.ignitermedia.com/mini-movies/2436/Sunday-Morning

Fighting Me

I've been fighting myself a lot lately.  I've noticed this trend in myself over the last few months, but it's getting stronger and stronger.  I want so bad to be a Proverbs 31 Woman (not just a P31 wife, or mom, I want it all!  Cause that's what she was.) but I'm fighting urges from selfish "No. 1 Me".  I noticed it yesterday, a really bad feeling once I realized it, but that day was a day the kids are at school.  Normally I clean, and I was going to, but I think my mom had noticed that I've been feeling depressed lately.  So, she had me come over and do some crafts.  They were lots of fun and I could have kept doing them, but I stopped so that I'd have enough time to go home and do some cleaning before I went to pick up the kids.  I was in a good mood (I could still feel the depression in the back of my head, but I was happy).  Then I picked up the kids.  Before we even left the school I was agitated and stressed.  Erin had peed once in her clothes at naptime, so they had her in a second outfit, well right when I got there she peed in those.  So I had to run out to the car and get her a change of clothes (but I only had pants and no top).  I hate the feelings I left the school with.  My mind was telling me the kids cause me to be depressed, which is something I never wanted to hear.  As much as it's true it's not true.  It's not the kids, but what they are developmentally going thru.  I will get there, where I'm not depressed or fighting myself because it feels good to do what I want to do and not worry about anyone else.  Sometimes I know I'm not ready to have a family because I'm so selfish.  I've got to remind myself that it's not just about me.  There are five other lives under this roof that I need to care for.  This doesn't mean I shouldn't take time for myself, but there will be time enough for that later.  Right now I need to concentrate on them, and how making them happy will make me happy.  God first and the rest will follow

Nicest compliment

I think I got the nicest compliment today! We had the book club meeting over at my house today and I had been real busy all day (zoo in the morning, my dr in the afternoon). But I had somehow been able to pick up 90% of the house (everything but the masters). I even got the playroom picked up. Only one other girl showed up but when I showed her the playroom she asked if the kids actually played in there. I had to smile. There were still remnants of shredded paper on the floor, but otherwise it did look pretty good. I had to give myself an attagirl for today. And thank you mom for helping clean the living room. I really appreciate it.

Good Day

Today was a good day.  I've decided that if I do something positive for my children, house, and husband I have had a good day, no matter how I might have felt.
I'm still getting over this sinus thing, whatever it is, but I was able to spend some time with the kids at the park after school, and time with my husband after the kids went to bed.  And the house?  Well, that's a great thing.  I was able to clean it and really feel progress with it.  I wasn't able to clean the whole house, but I got the kitchen to a really good place, cleaned the kids bathroom and their bedroom.  I even took the initiative and found both the remote for our room's light and the monitor for the kids room.  After I found the monitor I had to charge it and plug the cameras back in. 
And as a bonus, I crocheted one half of a pair of baby cowboy booties.  They are gonna be super cute.  They are for a friend in my community group. 
It was a good day.  I got three out of three, plus one.  I need to remind myself to do these three things, even if they are small at times, each day.  So that I can look back at my day and feel like I've acomplished something and that I did, in fact, have a good day... if not a great one.

Domestic Me

So, this last week, I've been way more domestic than normal.  It's been good.  I haven't gotten the final two lessons for the ENI Proverbs 31 Women's Bible Study out yet, so I am failing in that regards.  But I have been real productive around the house. 
I got some canvas bins/drawers up in the play room.  I also had to rearrange a number of the drawers and shelves around to fit everything. 
((POST PICTURE HERE) sorry it's on my phone right now)
I've been cooking a lot more, and cleaning a lot more, too.  The house is starting to get semi-under control.  I've been doing more laundry, even made the bed.  The house is starting to get under control.
Today I cleaned the stove, did three loads of laundry, a load of dishes, and cleaned the sink... all while the kids were home.  This is not counting doing the last of the shelves.
I've made chicken tenders, bread, cookies, etc.  Erin and I have made mac-n-cheese a number of times now.  She eats it, but not all of it. 
I have noticed they aren't eating nearly enough lately... it seems to me, but they might be.  I just can't tell. 
Anyway, back to domestic me.  I'm very proud of what I've done... but I still see a pile of laundry that needs to be sorted, folded/hung, and put away... and the pile of toys that used to be laying around the house, but are now right inside the playroom doorway... and the mess that is the master bedroom.  A lot still has to be done, but I'm proud of what I've done... and what I will do with God's help. 

DIY fabric softener

Originally posted sept 22

I must say that I think this new medicine (Laduda, I think?) is working.  I've been much more productive, and thus domestic.  It's been good. 
I'm really proud of myself.  I just made some fabric softener.  That's right, folks, I made my own fabric softener!  It was pretty simple:
3 cups hot water
1 cup cheap hair conditioner
1 1/2 cups white vinegar
Add the hot water to the hair conditioner and whisk them together until they are completely mixed.  No lumps, just foggy water.  Then mix in the vinegar.  Voila!  Just put it in the container and you're ready to do some laundry!
I have to say I was inspired by one of Chris' co-workers who gave him a bucket (like Oxy-clean size) of laundry soap (powder).  It got me thinking, as I got closer to the end of our store bought fabric softener, that maybe that's what I should do.  So I got looking on Pinterest and found some recipes.  This is a half size so that it fits in the empty bottle.  It doesn't fill it, but a full version would be too much.  It's about 3/4 of the way full.  I'm super excited to try it out.
I know whenever I use vinegar in the wash it is softer, so I know it'll work.  So I'm excited that I did something good!  And it only cost me $1 for the new bottle of conditioner (I'm almost out, so I didn't use what I had).  It's all stuff I could find around the house, so I'll definetly be using it again when this bottle is gone.  Super excited am I!

Good Hard Day

I am so proud of myself, and I just have to brag about it. Today is Sunday, a naturally hecktic day. It was hard for me to wake up this morning, even though the kids slept in. We got them ready for church, and even though Erin was giving me problems we still made it out the door with enough time to stop by McD and get some breakfast. But when we were heading out the door, Erin became Super Stubborn Erin, and would only go through the front door, even though we always go through the garage when we are leaving so I can set the alarm. It took some arguing and threatening her with taking away a pom pom, but she still didn't budge. I could tell a fit was about to persue, so I walked away. I went out through the garage and put the bags in the car. When I came back in I had calmed down just a bit, but she was still being stubborn. A fight I don't really need to fight, I decided, so that's how we went out. Point: Erin. But she was great dropping her off, she held my hand crossing the street and ran to her classroom. It was encouraging to see her in a good mood. After church was a different deal. She was ready to go home, and I knew she could use a nap, and she proved it to me before we got to the door. She wouldn't wait, then she wouldn't hold my hand, then she refused to go out the door and threw herself on the ground. I acted like I was walking away and walked out the door, but she was too stubborn and didn't care. So I came back for her and got her to stand up. But she still wouldn't take my hand. I would normally let that pass, but with first service just getting out and second service people coming in it was too dangerous so I kept grabbing her hand. She started to throw a fit. I didn't care, I grabbed her wrist, because she could get her hand away from me but not her wrist, and it actually kept her upright and she couldn't throw herself on the ground. Paul was slipping out of my other arm because he refuses to grip with his legs and all the bags were falling. She yelled and cried the whole way to the car. I could have died from embarrassment as I heard a boy loudly ask his mother why she was crying. But I just kept walking because if I didn't reach the car soon everything would fall out of my arms, including Paul, and I'd loose my grip on Erin. We made it to the car, and she easily got in... thank God. I thought surely she would go to sleep; she had said she was tired and just wanted to sleep, she was throwing a huge fit, she was yawning, and when she got in her carseat she shut her eyes tightly. "Yes!" I thought, because I knew Paul was going to go down for his nap. We drove around... and drove around... and drove around. She did not fall asleep, so I decided to go home. We put Paul to bed and he slept close to an hour. Erin and I went over the pom poms and I showed her the reward basket. We sat and counted out 25 pom poms so she knew how many she'd need to get something. Then we counted out how many she had in her container already: 13 (10 starter and 3 more... there was a lot of putting in and taking away this morning, so even though she would have had more she didn't). She was doing good though, she cleaned up when I asked her to, and saying please (when promted). Then Paul woke up crying... and he wouldn't stop crying. It was 30 minutes before I called on my mom to help out. But by the time she came I had already given Paul medicine and put him back down to sleep. Erin was watching TV and I was working on getting some food ready. I hadn't realized it til I came home from church that we were supposed to bring the food for tonights community group meeting. So I had started working on some stuff to make. I had deccided I wanted to make some salsa bread, a recipe I actually made up a few days eariler when Chris was talking about making something with the pulp of some of his juice drink leftovers. I had based it on the zuchinni bread one, but modified it quite a bit. It is truely a whole brand new recipe. I just needed to see how much flour and eggs to put in. I was so excited to create something new... and it turned out pretty good. It's missing something, but I just don't know what. I would normally have Chris try it and tell me what it's missing, but since he's on the juice fast I can't have him try it. I'll have to make it again later. Paul liked it, Erin wanted to try it, until I cut her a slice. Anyway, when mom finally came over I had her watch Erin while I ran to the grocery store. I had a brilliant idea for what I wanted to make. I had pined a recipe for chicken that was supposed to taste just like KFC original recipe, but baked instead of fried. I really wanted to try it, but was missing chicken and a couple of the spices. So I went to the store and picked them up (along with some butter and other items). When I came back I realized I had forgotten the milk, so I had to go back out (I had originally asked Chris to get it, but he wasn't coming home any time soon, so I decided I'd do it). When I came back I started making what I now call "Derby Chicken" (Kentucky = Kentucky Derby). It didn't taste just like KFC, but it was still really good. I made a lot of it and it was all gone within minutes. I also made fudge, but didn't realize that it was supposed to chill for an hour, and I made it last, so it wasn't ready... but I took it anyway. I chilled it in the freezer the entire time we were there, and it still wasn't ready. So now I have a pan full of fudge (or a soup like mixture that is meant to be fudge)... and a huge pile of dirty dishes I'm not looking forward to doing. But that's besides the point. My food went over well, and it made me feel like a Proverbs 31 woman. I cooked it all while still in my dress from Church, and an apron (which I'm glad I wore because it bares the bulk of the stains and powder thrown across the kitchen). Erin was relatively tameable, I think she's starting to understand the pom pom plan. When we got back home from group things went relatively well. It was time to put Paul down, Erin was quiet for Bible reading and relatively calm during Prayers. So she got pom poms for it when we left the room. Before she sat and watched her last Dora for the day, we counted the pom poms. She had 32. So she got to choose something from the reward basket. She automatically went for the doll, but then she wanted a sucker too. I told her she could have only one. She actually ended up choosing the sucker. But when she was done with it, she hadn't forgotten about the dolly. It was hard getting her to understand that she couldn't have it just yet. But it worked. It was a great day, in spite of my moody feelings.

For the Weary

Today I woke up early to a crying baby, I was lucky enough he easily went back to sleep and both my children slept in today. So when I alwoke I felt afreshed and ready for the day, but once we got out on our excursion for the morning to the aquarium I quickly started to fade. Then the rest of the day I felt weary and tired. I couldn't stop yawning and all I wanted to do was sleep. So I smiled a bit when I read today's Verse of the Day from my Bible App: Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength, they will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. - Isaiah 40:30-31 It gave me some strength when I wanted to nap.

Leading

"He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant - not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life." - 2 Corinthians 3:6 Lately I've been fighting a voice telling me I shouldn't be leading this group. I shouldn't be put in charge of a group of women and feel like I have the right to tell them what to do... Well, I don't feel like I have the right, but I've done some things lately that I've not been proud of and have made it hard for me to feel able to be accepted into a group like this, let alone lead it. But in my worries, this verse came to me. It's provided me some comfort, so I thought I should share it.

The woman in you

Some of the people following this lesson say that the proverbs 31 woman is unattainable. But I look around at the women in my life and see a number of them achieving it without realizing it. I was discouraged when one of the women I consider a true proverbs 31 woman said that this status is unattainable.

Proverbs 12:25

Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down,

but a good word makes him glad. (Proverbs 12:25 ESV)

This verse makes me think and reflect on the past weeks lesson. To do your husband only good, not evil, all the days of your life.
What happens with the woman always nagging and complaining to her man? She certainly brings him no goodness in doing such things. Do you know a woman like that? Are you a woman like that? What can you do to fix such things?
I have a story to tell on this one, so here goes. I had a friend who relied on me a lot and we saw each other every day. When I first met her she would complain a little or say something that brought her down, and I would try to lift her spirits or offer up a solution to her problems. It soon became apparent that this was not what she wanted, she just wanted to complain and have a sour outlook on herself. I could handle her in smaller amounts but as time went on she found herself alone with no other friend but myself and so she started spending more and more time with me. I tried, very hard, to be accommodating, but there was only so much I could handle. It was hard hearing how someone's not any good at anything or how horrible things are. A person usually starts believing something after being told so many times. I was starting to be negative as well. My disposition faltered and I found myself saying some of the same negative things about myself that she ha said about herself. Well, this got me really depressed. Suddenly my friend had to go away, back to her family. My spirits almost instantly lifted in spite of not getting to see a dear friend on a constant basis. That's when I realized that as much as we had acted the parts of best friends she wasn't what was best for me. I had to cut her off from myself for my own good... My own sanity. I had become a great big ball of negativity and I didn't want to live like that anymore.
Don't get me wrong, I miss her and still think about her, but I know I can't lift the phone and call her (or accept her calls) because I am weak and will fall into the depressing trap of negativity. And that is not what I want my kids growing up around.
Whenever I start to rush a text to complain to my husband I have to set down my phone and think that that is not something I want to bring into his day, especially while he is at work dealing with his own problems. Negativity is like a poison, and every day I work hard at not letting it seep further into my body and contaminate my family.
Don't get me wrong, I still complain to my husband, but I try not to do it while he is at work or right when he gets home. If it's something that is really bothering me I will take him aside and talk to him. Otherwise I wait till the kids are asleep when we can both share our ups and downs of the day. Always try an have ups with the downs and always be open to listening to him as well.

Doin something right

Well I must be doing something right because the devil is working hard to make me feel depressed about what I've done. He strikes such doubt in me, but with God's help using guardian/guidance angels I know I can overcome these feelings. The devil reminds me of all the things ive done wrong as a parent, and he's been doing it all day it seems for the past few days. Every time I get really back into writing the study I hear "who are you to tell these women what to do?!". I am reminded of my downfalls as a mother: how I've set bad examples, let my temper get the best of me, or felt like I wasn't able to handle it. But I know I'm doing the right thing. I know I'm supposed to delve into the proverbs 31 woman and attempt to strengthen my bond with God and my family through her characteristics. I just know it. Someday someone down the line with be greatly impacted by my work. And again I hear "that's so pretentious". But I know in my gut that this is what I'm supposed to do. I may not be successful doing it but I will gain so much personally from it that it's worth it.

Meeting 3

Well, the emails are out... did I mention it's all in emails now? I'm gonna try and meet up with each woman individually if I can each week, but I know it's gonna be hard. So, I need your prayers for that strength and guidance to not get lazy about it. Anyway, I'm really excited about this weeks projects. We are doing some knot tying. It's a simple enough task with some beautiful results. I just hope that with every cross of twine or fabric, that they are reminded of the cross and that they gain confidence in being competent at something, even if it is just as simple as tying a knot. Confidence is a way we show we trust ourselves, and when we trust ourselves it is easier to trust others, including God. I know, we usually turn to God when we are our least confident, but we have to be confident in the Lord and trust that he will do what is right by His Word. The same goes with your spouse... you have to be confident in them and trust that they will do the right things.

Lazy Dayz

This week the Devil was working on me to have an easy time and do a pass on things. But my husband was right there as my guiding light, telling me just how proud he was of what I was doing in the group. He keeps saying that I'm not going to see it right away, but I'm touching people's lives. And that is very important to me. I know I look back on the past and cring a lot when I think about some of the negative impacts I've made in people's lives, and it excites me to know that I will, with God's help, be making a positive impact in the world. It might not be big, but at least it's out there. The Devil kept me from waking up early, and from falling asleep early. I think he saw my spirits get excited again after my meeting with Liz last week that he just smashed them down with doubt and laziness. I spent my nights in front of the TV rather than with my husband or God. I'm going to try and be better this week, but as my spirits are renewed I know the devil's gonna work even harder. So extra prayers out there would be nice for God to send angels to guard me against the demons the devil has sent and to give me the strength I need to do the things I should.

Equality

(written from my phone so please excuse the typos)

Gal 3:28. For those of you wondering about equality (for we have already touched on "well I know what I have to do for him but what does my husband do for me?" and Tim scripture (and it's selfishness of the question). But what about equality? Doesn't God say we are equal? In gal 3:28 he destinctly says we are equal. It is also discussed in John 13:16 Well this is one of the times you've got to look at the full passage. It's talking about in gods love you are equal. And how we are equal in salvation But there are destinct scriptures that tells us just what God thinks about equality in marriage. 1 Peter 3:7 tells his ads to understand their wives and treated with respect and honor as co-heirs with Jesus in the kingdom of god.
In the beginning man and woman were created and were equal. Both had dominion over everything. Gen 5:1-2 But once sin came to pass women and men were no longer equal. Gen 3:16-19. The punishment was clearly imposed. But God did not reduce women to inferior status, nor did he command men to rule harshly over their wives. However, over the course of history, it has sometimes been misinterpreted to be that gods punishment of eve was justification for degradation and subjugation of women. As much as Paul stated we are equal in gal, be points out in 1 Coe 11:3-10 back to men being the authority I. The family. Also iv Ephesians. 5:21-30.
You might ask but what does he ( my husband) do for me. This is where you must remember : you can only change you. Only god can change other people. One way is for you to show Christ in all you do. And maybe your husband will see that and respond. But don't do something to get something, do it out of love. That way if you dosee the change you feel blessed not d
As if you deserve it.
Col 3:22

First Meeting

We had our first meeting this week, on April 18th, and it was... well, um... empty. I kind of knew it would be. A number of the women I invited don't really show up to things even if they're interested in it. And I put it on a day that a lot of people have plans for: churches, families, etc. But it was good. I got to have a peaceful, quiet dinner with my mother, and we went through the lessons for the week. I got some good insite and was able to adjust the information for later. 1 Peter 5:10 And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. These are hard words to swallow, but very true and applicable to this situation. It's hard for me to understand and accept this first meeting failure when I felt God moving so strongly for me to do this, to write this. I'm writing almost 6 months of lesson plans because I felt so strongly about this that I couldn't choose any other book. Maybe that is what I'm called to do. All I know is, He will reveal it to me someday. But now, I've got to fight these tears and accept that this failure is a part of His plan. It is hard, very hard to do.

the fear of a child

This morning I was praying and my heart grew heavy with my children: God, give me the patience and strength for my children. Please take away nh anger. A child should fear their parents, but that does not mean for them to be afraid of their parents. Much like my early feelings of God, I thought the word fear was, well, frightening. I thought I was supposed to do what God tells me to do because I was afraid of the consequences. I did not think of it to mean fear as in respect. I mean, yes, God did some amazingly terrible things and such but Jesus came so we wouldn't have that kind of fear. He came for us to learn love and respect for God. No child should be afraid of their parents; but they should fear them... The word fear throughout the Bible has been translated many different ways. Among its more negative (and how I percieved the word to mean) there are also some positive light ones, such as revere, respect, anticipate, honor. And I've even heard the word love to be said in its place. We need to remember this when dealing with others, especially children. We need to love them. Now that doesn't mean don't punish them. There are consequences for every action, both negative and positive. People forget that there can be positive consequences. The word has gotten such a negative undertone to it, we must remember that much like "fear", consequences has good in it as well.

Girl Talk

You know how you always want your husband to help out and do some of the chores around the house but he never does? Have you asked him? I mean really asked him? Have you said "honey, I need you to help me and take out the trash?" Not in so many words, huh? That's probably why it's not getting done (and so you feel like a slave to him because you are doing all the work and he gets to be king of the castle). You have to say things in their language... and they speak plain ol' English (or whatever language this has been translated to for you to read). I didn't understand it. How could my two year old girl understand perfectly what I was saying when I said "Uh, oh. What's that doing on the floor" made perfect sense to my little girl. She would proceed to go and pick up the item on the floor and put it in it's spot. Easy enough, right? I mean, she's two and she totally understood me. But when I said the same thing to Chris, he didn't bat an eyelash. What was wrong?! I would get so angry at my husband for not reading my mind. I'd go around huffing every time I passed the garbage, thinking he'd pick up on that. To my defense, I had spoken to him about it. I believe my exact words were "looks like the trash needs to be taken out." To which he replied "oh, yeah." Which translates to "Yes, don't worry, dear. I'll get right on that," right? In my feminine mind makes perfect sense and we had all but signed a contract stating he'd take it out. But he didn't... For weeks. It'd get so bad, I'd lug out the whole kitchen trash can to throw it away. But every time he'd pile something on top of the full garbage I'd scoff (that's like huffing, but you open your mouth), thinking he should get the hint. Well, he never did. You see, Chris has learned a number of languages in his life: Italian, Spanish, German, and even a bit of Arabic and Mandarin. But he never learned to speak "girl." I, at one point, thought to take it upon myself to teach him, but we all see how well that went for me. I didn't get it, he understood when his mother told him to do something. She often had to repeat things to him after I had attempted with much better success. Then I started listening to her instead of smirking. She was actually acting as a translator between us! A-ha! She spoke male! I quickly decided to try and learn. Maybe it was all in the inflection, but that just made him mad. He said I always sounded like I was pissed when I talked to him. So that wasn't working. I was at a loss on what to do. Then I remembered: You can't change other people, only yourself, so leave the rest to God. Ugh, really? I can't change him? Fine. So, because I wanted to keep my relationship with my husband at least civil, I learned to speak his language. It was a lot simpler than I thought. I just had to speak my mind, rather than expecting him to read it. And I didn't just have to speak it, I had to explain it. Be simple with the instructions, don't try and give them more than one or two steps at a time. And try and be courtious, say "please" and "thank you." Remember, that sugar goes a long way. "Please, take out the trash. Thank you." Don't ask him "could you?" because that opens it up to options. Don't ask, but don't demand. Make sure your tone is still friendly, but firm. Just remember to not try and change him. If you want things better, work to better yourself and ask God to give you strength and understanding.

Self: why I left you

I was fortunate enough to marry a man that only wanted me to love him. Easy enough., right? You'd think so, but I have my battles where it seems like its the hardest thing to do. Don't get me wrong, I love him. I love my husband very much, I just don't know how to show him. I guess that's part of the reason I wanted to start this journey into proverbs 31 again. I had done it when I was a young, single, can-do, superwoman type. Now I'm a wife and mother of two (and double dog owner... there's your 2.5 kids right there) and am at a loss. When I was younger I was begging for more responsibilities, now that I have them I don't know what to do with them. It's overwhelming. But what do I do when I'm at a loss and stuck shaking in my boots? I turn to Him. I pray and I pray hard. I didn't used to. The feeling of being overwhelmed overtook me so much it was paralizing. I couldn't do anything. And as the world kept going on around me the feelings would just get worse. The laundry would pile up, dishes becoming a mountain of mold,and trash growing around me exponentially. I longed for peace. I longed for the days when, if this happened, it would only directly impact my life. I found that the only thing making me get out of this walking coma-lime state was my love for my husband and kids. The thought that I was doing this harm to them brought me to tears. And it's what keeps me from going back to that. Oh don't get me wrong, my house is still a wreck. Its just not nearly as bad as it was. And the even bigger difference is I now know that I'm doing no good for my family and am working on fixing it. I may be down but I'm not done with this fight. I know I have to perservere for it to get where its going and once it gets there I have to keep with it. I need to show my husband that I love and respect him by not destroying what he has provided. You see, its not about "serving" your husband, its about showing him you respect him and what he does to provide for you and your family. Love isn't about being selfish. Love is about selflessness. Jesus showed us that. He showed his love through giving with a happy heart through selfless sacrifice. So can we walk away from the computer for a minute and take a moment to tidy up? Ill check back with you on that one...

Feminist Proverbs 31 Woman

A feminist demands respect and equality, what makes a proverbs 31 woman so different than that? I guess it's the fact that she doesn't demand it, she just recieves it. It says so in verses 11 and 28-29. (11) The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. (28) Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her; (29) "Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all." Who can ask for more respect that that?! You are better than any other woman. OK, so her equality might not as easily be seen as her respect, but it is there. By providing for her family (vs 15) and doing the things she does she gains equality. She is the master of the house. With the respect she has earned comes equality. But just like the army (to steel an idea from The Good Wife's Guide), not everyone can be a 4 star general, nothing would get done! Soldiers are needed to do the dirty work. Sometimes you have to self sacrifice out of love to change that dirty diaper. You might not want to do it, but you do it willingly because it must be done and you love the child. So go ahead and go against the grain, be a Christian Feminist; win the love and respect of your children and the equality of your husband through your loving sacrifice, don't demand it.

Lazyness and Selfishness

I see it now: Lazyness is Selfishness' relative. To be lazy you must be selfish, but to be selfish you don't always have to be lazy... I say this all while avoiding the phone call from my husband telling me he's on his way home because the kids are napping and it's the only time I can eat (ok, so I scarf it down due to the hurry) ice cream for lunch without getting judged... oh, and cause I want to blog my epiphanies. It must be the right time, cause everything is lining up. God knew to give me just enough leeway to be lazy (enough for an honest-to-goodness true example) without letting me get too slothful (not enough time to watch whatever reality tv Hulu stored up for me). I know I should get up and do my ten-minute clean up before Chris gets home, but by golly, I'm gonna sit here and type... and feel guilty as I look around the room. Maybe this is why God thought it was okay for me to get a lazy minute in; so I could see how rediculous it was. Anyway, back to lazyness and selfishness. They are wrong, you and I know it. Yet we indulge in it every day (or would if we could). Why not be productive and feel good about yourself for accomplishing something? Don't get me wrong, everyone should relax and be able to sleep at night and everyone deserves some R&R, it's the abuse of it that is wrong. If you come home and are exhausted, by all means, put your feet up and let the dishes sit. Because if you do something and it's not done with a happy heart it is almost as bad. So when your feet recouperate, get up and hapily do something. You are refreshed, now use that energy for good. "But I don't want to do the dishes," you might say. But what happens if you don't? Honestly, ew. I mean, if you've got to do the dishes, you might as well be happy about it. It's the same with any chore. They have to get done, why crinkle up your face with sneering and ugliness (because, believe it or not, ugliness of emotions causes you to look ugly too... and too much of that gives you the wrong wrinkles when you get older).

clash of the truths

Today my inner feminist was fighting as I tried to reason myself into why reading "The Good Wife's Guide: Embracing Your Role as a Help Meet" and keep reading it made sense. I would read the obviously "dated" material and think "what? Am I supposed to get all dolled up for Chris and wait for him by the door with a cocktail?" Kind of. (And I cant believe I'm saying this but) what's so wrong with that? Ugh. I think a part me just puked.
When I sat and thought about it, I have to admit, I was still riding the fence. That was until I found some old notes from a sermon that were written on a banking envelope.
HIS reality (Truth) clashed with others
Will you follow Him down the rabbit hole?
Blessed = Happy
How far do we go with this?
Who created culture? Media
Be okay or aspire to live a counter-cultural life
Intellectually, I get it but...
Poor in heart and dependent on God
Silence is not your friend, Silence is uncomfortable.
Fellowship = where your soul is at
I am broken, I am restless
Do you want to make an impact?
*Different from desired reality is Jesus' truth
God meant for me to find this, because I usually throw them away a few days later, but this one was from before Passover started. I was just going to throw it away, but something caught my eye:
HIS reality (Truth) clashed with others
Then as I read more of it I remembered passages from "The Good Wife's Guide: Embracing Your Role as a Help Meet":
Make faith and family your first prioritiesfrom a place of sacrificial love. As wives and mothers we can and should have our own interests, but when our primary concern is our "self" to the point that we become our first priority, we have given in to a selfish nature that isn't lined up with scripture.
Then, as I read the notes again, more jumped out:
God's wisdom doesn't always sit right with mankind, and it doesn't have to. Faith tells me that His wisdom exceeds mine and therefore I put my trust in His infalliable Word.
I think His Word says it best in Joshua 24:15 (KJV):
And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve... but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.
How can I argue with that? Yeah, my inner feminist is kicking the dirt and mumbling as she walks away. I know she'll be back to fight again, but as long as I stay strong in His reality, I can do all things.